1. I have a profoundly profound post written in my head. Unfortunately, every time I go to write it, my mind ends up going blank. I’ve noticed that if I try to type it out with my eyes closed, it’s easier. But the words still stick quite a bit. The blogging part of my mind clearly hates me. The post’s title is ‘The New Face of Discrimination’, and if I ever do manage to write it, it’s about introversion. I was having a very angsty day, so there’s that.
2. Every time I type the word ‘and’ I instantly think of this post, and wonder why I tend to use words like ‘and’ and ‘so’, so much. For the most part, they really are just filler words. Clearly, Heather’s always-beautiful writing put a well-written spanner in my works.
3. I admit it, I’m crazy scared about going to university. I’ve talked to some wonderful people about it. Whilst the strong message is to just be myself and let go of the angst, I can’t help but feel its knotty, frayed existence tugging at my insides. For every “you’ll be fine” and “it will be the time of your life”, there’s an if and a but waiting to leap out and chase off any sense of serenity I have. I’m beginning to make peace with the fact that maybe I just don’t want to go out and get drunk during Fresher’s Week. Maybe I do have social agoraphobia. I’m glad that, in Scotland, I don’t have to pay prescription fees. I expect I’ll be getting on the meds. Mucho.
4. I’m seeing a counsellor on Tuesday. I hope to see her at least. The directions she gave me for finding her were a little hazy, and as my driving abilities are only showing subtle signs of improvement, I’m beginning to wonder if between 4 and 5 on Tuesday I’ll end up doing anything more than just roaming aimlessly around the neighborhood in my little Smart car. Possibly wailing out her name. If you do see a confused, shaven (yes, I SHAVED) 18-year-old driving ’round your neighbourhood wailing “Elaine! ELAINE!”, don’t panic.
5. Unlike every holiday I’ve ever been on, I’m still jet-lagged after about 2 weeks since coming back. Two weeks. My circadian rhythms are on the fritz, and as much as I’d like to do something about it, I constantly just lay awake in bed until 2 am. Regardless of the exercise I do or the time I actually get into bed. Blurg. My eyes want to stab me. In the eye.
6. A few days ago I went to see a friend in Starbucks. I’m not a usual visitor of coffee shops; not least because big chains tend to make me a little frustrated: my overactive, analytical brain picking out all of the marketing, floorspace and sales techniques the stores utilize (I’m a ‘down with the corporations!’ kinda guy). But for the first time, I just went in and bought a coffee — a soy latte — and sat down. It was my first coffee, to boot, and it was delicious. I’m definitely going back for more. And I’m Slightly Secretly Super Glad that unlike alcohol, I would gladly drink coffee until the cows come home. Because everyone needs at least one liquid-based addiction, y’know?
7. I’ve actually started to use my phone. To make plans with friends. To go do stuff. I’m ashamed it took me so long to figure this little nugget of blatent common sense of general socialness out, but dudes? I am actually becoming a normal person. So I bought a Blackberry Curve 9300. With a plan that gives me unlimited texts. I have never owned a particularly good phone, nor have I ever been on a phone contract. But now I do. I’m still waiting for it to be dispatched, though. Hopefully it won’t be one of those things that take several years to dispatch, because that would suck. And I’m leaving in, oh, twelve days.
8. I’m trying to learn to write again. I forgot how to, y’know, write without making it look like I’m doing some half-transcription service for all of my posts. This skill (you know, making talk-writing) would be awesome sauce if I worked in customer services or public relations, I’m sure. This skill isn’t so awesome when I’m trying to be a bit more up-market. Also? Apparently, I’m trying to make my blog a little bit more up-market. No, I didn’t get the memo either. This thing has a life of its own, dudes. A LIFE OF ITS OWN.
9. Ma homie @Brittwrit wrote a post that was dedicated to me. @Brittwrit is one of my favourite undiscovered bloggers who takes about a month to write a post, but then post and end up being CRAZY FUNNY. It took me 15 minutes of googling to get a link to her profile, so you beeshes better make the jump.
10. Patty Griffin asked me what I thought of one of her songs when I was listening to her on Grooveshark Desktop. I was feeling mopey and angsty (because I’m leaving. In twelve days. From a village I’ve lived in for my entire. life.) so quickly responded, telling her that the song, Little Fire, was soulful and reflective. Now that I’m sat here and not in a particularly mopey mood, the song sounds like most country music: grating, whiny and o-so repetitive. Except I can’t stop listening to it, because that would be mean to Patty Griffin. So I’m stuck in a completely rock-and-a-hard-place situation. I bet Patty Griffin hates me now.
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